“You were broken and I could tell from the very first day I met you. I thought I could fix you, save you even, but I can’t can I?” I looked into his cereluean eyes and sigh.
“No. Once you let the darkness enter, it never escapes. It stays with you and I dont want you to see me as the girl whos haunted by her past. I just don’t.”
I remember when we used to smile at each other from across the room like we were seeing each other in a new light.
Your smile covered my heart with warmth and your touch sent shivers down my spine. Not a bad one though.
It’s too late now for anything more to be said. We aren’t what we used to be.
“I wonder If I’ve forgiven you for your wrongs because you are my bestfriend and I’m over it or because I am doing just the same thing to another person and try to make my mistakes seem an okay thing to do”
Nothing’s more precious than someone knowing the real you. That there’s someone who knows you better than you know yourself. That whether you hide it or not you’ll always be transparent once he lays eye on you.
It’s nerve-racking just to know that you’re vulnerable to someone who can possibly hurt you and leave memories that’ll give you painful flashbacks but trusts him well enough not to do any of that. After all, we’re never really living unless we take risks.
I’ts devastating , you know?
Doing your best , giving your all but never having the results you’re expecting to get. Trying to earn your keep but ended up looking like you haven’t done anything to deserve it.
College. Who thought that was a fantastic idea? Well ,kidding aside, since it’s the last move before actually stepping into the “real world” we tend to feel somewhat excited for the near future while others not so much. For me, I’m equally excited and anxious about the whole “real world” thing.
But before actually getting to that part before relishing the thoughts and imaginations of you working hard and earning money and actually loving your job, the first problem and the most crucial part is *drum roll* actually getting the degree! No degree? No job! And without good grades there wouldn’t be any graduation anytime soon. If you think about it it’s very challenging and with alot of close friends and peers around you there is a very small chance that you might actually enjoy college.
Might I just say. I’m definitely in college and I’m sure that what I am doing is right because ever since I started college, nights became my days and my days are just an overtime of whatever i’ve been studying during the night. A continuous process. Never ending. Suffocating.
I’ve been switching from being depressed to hopeful this couple of weeks. This particular week trashed any hope I’ve been trying to harbor. Alot of naysayers, big headed , unsupportive people had been blocking my conviction to achieve success and it has been nerve-racking. Losing confidence and belittling myself is not a good road to take, i know. There’s just those moments when your trust in yourself wavers and you start questioning things and your capabilities. It’s like your too dumb to understand things . Professors judging you, friends laighing at you. It takes a serious beating.
College is a battlefield. You win some and you lose some, by that I meant my midterms ’cause I flunked that freaking exam (big time). The important thing is you get up and keep on trying.
Hey baby girl why are you still awake?
You still have your freedom now that you’re eight.
Scratched up knees and stained clothing
To cramps, depression , and lots of drinking
Once you’re all grown up, you will finally see
It is not that fun like it used to be
Nights were never meant for sleeping
So baby girl, hold on tight and keep on dreaming
Imagine you are watching the sunrise with your partner beside you. The wind is a tad cooler that you expected which makes you more than grateful that someone close to your heart is with you. The cool breeze hugs you and sends goosebumps all over your body, thankful that you both decided to make coffee before enjoying the view. Everything seems perfect. Everything is so surreal. At that moment you were finally happy.
But then you woke up in a cold sweat. Alone. In a dark room.